It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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