I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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