i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
