I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
