u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
