she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
