so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
