just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
