That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Too much gin, very little bucket
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
