I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
