I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
