This house was built for laser tag.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We are two peas in an std pod
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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