You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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