My first STD was from a foam party
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
