watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
