last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
