Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
