U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
