I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
