yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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