Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
