apparently the secret to your success is patron
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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