I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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