We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
