I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
