I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
