doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
