Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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