evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
