It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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