Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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