Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
