do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
