Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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