he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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