bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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