thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
