I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
