woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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