After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
