I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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