Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
