Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
