He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
