id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
