but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
