'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
