Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
