Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
