Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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