I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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